The Summer I Stopped Learning

About three weeks into summer I was restless. No greek quiz, no papers, no books looming over my head, no new commentaries to read, no school, no learning. I was going crazy. I needed something to challenge me. I missed the nagging never ending list of things to do. I wanted a new idea, a new concept, to make home in my mind and be so disruptive that I spent every extra thought I could spare to solving the Question. Its not like I have everything figured out. I already have 5 Questions who have made my mind home. But they have been tenants so long that they have found rest and are just waiting to be answered. They have stopped their insistent nagging that I love so much. I wanted something new to learn. Something new to wreak havoc in my mind.

So I did it, I admitted my need for nerdom and emailed Mark Moore pleading for him to reveal some new book, something that would make my brain explode. He responded with a list of books and a line at the end of the email "Sometimes boredom is sacred. Enjoy it." I erased my list of blow-my-mind books and took a nap. Something clicked when he said that. I decided to challenge myself with a new challenge. The challenge: To stop all forced learning, all forced mind blowing experiences, to stop myself from searching for learning. Instead I was going to be bored. I thought I was going to lose my mind many times. I knew the phrase If you dont use it you lose it was going to find me and snatch me up and my brain would turn to mush.  I was not enjoying it. But I have found that normally when you aren't enjoying something you are learning something. So in some weird twisted way I gave up learning to learn.

And I did. I learned. I learned how to be still. How to still my mind and use that energy to get through a day at the shelter or for this awesome thing called prayer. I learned how to devote my mind to things that are already answered. I learned how to focus on the present: family, the shelter, the women, the children, prayer, solitude. I learned how to be on a journey and not just plan for a journey. I learned how to challenge myself with the present instead of a concept. This summer I stopped learning and learned so much.

(Kenny Boles if you read this don't worry, I still kept up with learning Greek)

oh mission trips

This morning I was checking a couple of the blogs I follow and this one really jumped out at me. www.thechurchofnopeople.com/2011/07/guest-blogger-jamie-the-very-worst-missionary/
You should read it. I decided to respond on here instead of giving a complete rant and my beliefs on short term missions on their comment section. Here is a little of what Jamie said-

"Whenever I pray for short-term missionaries, I pray that their trip would be an absolute disaster.
Seriously, I do. I pray that all of their luggage would be lost, their money would be stolen, and, above all, their coordinated team shirts would accidentally catch fire."

"But the best part is when we bring short-term teams to the ghetto. That’s where we put poor people on display, like zoo animals, so that we can marvel at how they live."

"So, basically, we do it, like, completely opposite of how Jesus did it."

I totally agree with Jamie. I went to mexico every year on a short term missions trip through out highschool. The most amazing experiences came when our own agenda ran out and we ended up sitting around with locals.

When we go to a culture that is relation and serve with materialism not much gets accomplished.
The message of the Gospel is a relational one. So long laws, so long works, hello relationship with Christ. Maybe instead of giving out candy and our old clothes (that we don't want anymore because they are so last year) we could give ourselves. Loving the locals, learning not about the masses but about the individual, starting a relationship.

How does materialistic service show people what it is like to have a relationship with christ? It doesn't. It shows them what it is like to have a relationship with an American.

But through starting a relationship with an individual and sharing what our relationship with Christ looks like maybe they will want Christ as well.... and not another pair of worn out nike's

Tomato Pie

The smell of mustard, hot dog, and cotton candy. The sizzle of your feet against hot concrete. The surge of jumping into a cold pool. The crisp flavor of watermelon, cantaloupe, cucumbers, and tomatoes. Its summer and tonight its tomato pie.

Tomato Pie

You will need:
1 Uncooked pie crust (store bought or handmade either works)
3 Large tomatoes (peeled and chopped in chunks)
1 Cup baby spinach leaves (loosely measured)
1/2 cup Mayonnaise
2 cups mozzarella or 12 slices of fresh mozzarella

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350
Spread spinach over bottom of pie crust
Followed by a layer of cheese, about 1/2 a cup of shredded or 4 slices of fresh
DRAIN tomato chunks! get rid of all seeds and liquid. squeezing them dry with a paper towel
Pour all of the tomato chunks into the pie
If using shredded cheese- Mix mayonnaise and shredded cheese (leaving 1/2 a cup)
If using sliced cheese- place a four slices on top of tomato then spread mayonnaise then add more cheese

You can garnish with a tomato slice and spinach leaves if you wish

Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes. Turn heat off and let it sit for about 20 minutes. Serve warm.

A French Dinner

The other evening I decided to make a big dinner for my Great Aunt Linda and Great Uncle Don. They are so wonderful and deserved a yummy dinner. We all love french food and I love to make these dishes.
First course: Gnocchi Cream Soup

Gnocchi is a delicious small potato dumpling. You might have seen a chicken gnocchi soup at Olive Garden, this is similar.

Gnocchi Cream Soup (serves 4-6)

1 pckg gnocchi

1 small red onion (minced)

1.5 cups baby bella mushrooms

3 handfuls baby spinach 

½ stick butter

2 tbsp flour

¼ cup sherry

1 qt chicken or vegetable stock

3 cups of milk

Salt to taste

In a large pot pour all the stock and heat over high until a rolling boil.

 Meanwhile in a large sauté pan melt half the butter over high heat and add flour. This will be the rue which will thicken your soup. When rue starts turning brown add onion and 1 more tblsp of butter.

Once the stock is to a boil add the gnocchi and cook for 8-9 minutes according to package directions.

Once the onions are starting to sweat add mushrooms, remaining butter, and sherry. Let this sauté until the mushrooms are a golden brown and the onions are starting to caramelize.

Drain half the stock from the large pot being careful not to lose any gnocchi.

Add the mushroom, onion, rue mixture into pot of gnocchi and stock. Then add the milk and spinach.

Cook this over medium high heat until for 3-5 minutes and then bring down to low heat. The soup will thicken and will be ready to serve. 

Next on the list is Bouchée à la reine, a french pastry entree. 

Bouchée à la reine (serves 6)

2 sheets puff pastry (thawed)

3 thin chicken breast (optional)

1 large red onion (sliced)

1 cup baby bella mushrooms (sliced)

2 cups Italian shredded cheese

3 tbsp butter

1 egg

Slice the sheets into three triangles each for a total of 6 pastry triangles.

In a large pan melt 1 tbsp of butter and brown chicken. Do not over cook. Remove from heat and shred. This will be stuffed in the pastry.

Add the rest of the butter, the onion and the mushrooms. Cook over high heat until the onions are caramelized.

Take a pastry triangle place a pinch of cheese followed by the chicken, onions, and mushroom. Fold sides over and pinch until it is sealed. Repeat this with the rest.

Bake at 350 for 12 minutes.

Remove and sprinkle tops with remaining cheese.

Bake for 10 more minutes or until it is a crispy golden brown.

Top with alfredo sauce and serve. 

To make alfredo sauce:

Melt 2 tbsp of butter in a medium sauce pan. Add 1 pint of heavy cream, 2 cups of milk, and 2 cups of shredded Italian cheese. Bring to a boil. Turn down heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Salt to taste.

Voila! 

 

Loneliness

I am in my third week of living in South Carolina. I love it here but it has been hard. The internship is full of blessing but the same things that bless drain. I love the internship but I come home to a place that isn’t my home and I am wiped out. I will be the first to say that I take life at Ozark Christian College for granted. It has been hard because there is an element of loneliness. I miss the recharge that comes with community. So the first thing I have to say is that I miss community. 

The second thing I have to say is that I am not lonely but am learning about loneliness.  I have two favorite quotes about loneliness. 

The first is by Paul Tillich who was a German born American philosopher and theologian. 

“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” 

 We hate being lonely and yet solitude is a spiritual gift. How the heck does that work? Loneliness brings about melancholy attitudes, depression, pessimism, pain. Solitude brings about a deeper connection with God, a time to learn about self and spirit, a chance to prepare for a greater purpose. So when we are alone are we lonely or taking a time of solitude? 

This brings me to my 2^nd favorite quote for loneliness which is by Dag Hammerskjold. He was a nobel peace prize winning Secretary of State for the UN. 

“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.” 

I love this quote because it reminds me of Christ. Matthew 4 and Luke 4 tell the story of Jesus going into the wilderness. This was a hard time in the life of Christ. A time of temptation, loneliness, preparation; a time that marks the beginning of ministry. 

Loneliness vs Solitude is a difference of attitude. 

Christ did not become a pessimistic, depressed, prematurely gray man; He became our savior.

The women at the shelter have shown me much about this. They come in alone, hurt, broken, and scared. They have nothing and no one, choosing to be cut off from the life they knew to seek safety. In their loneliness they find community. They find a new life, power, healing, and freedom. 

Jesus found His ministry, the ladies find the rest of their lives. I am finding the chance to learn and prepare for whatever God may bring next; even if the present is hard.

Internship Blog #1: Children

It has taken me a while to get my wits about me enough to blog about my first week on the job. Let me start by saying this, I love South Carolina. I love SafeHarbor. I love living with my great aunt and uncle. I have loved this first week. That does not mean that it was easy. Training was normal. Learning the gate system was tricky. Meeting the other interns was fun. But having a grubby little hand clenching onto mine was heart breaking. Working with the children has grabbed my heart and tore it apart for the 5 hours I was there. Wednesday was my first day to work with kids at the shelter and it put me through the ringer. These babies had all just come out of domestic violence situations, and it was very evident. I am going to change the names of the kids for security purposes but I want to share the day.

Sam (who is almost 4) and Maddie (who is almost 6) were the first kids I met. They sat on the far side of the room in an oversize chair, their four big blue eyes locked on me. I met some of the women with their gaze following my every move. I made my way to them and Sam said "who are you?" Maddie looked at him and said "She must be a worker, she is happy." First stab at my heart. I told them that I was here to play with them. They didn't understand. "You want to play with us?" I saw that Maddie was holding a book so I offered to read it to them. I scooted in between them both of the kids crawling half way on my lap. One page into the story Sam took another stab at my heart, he kissed my hand. I asked him if he was ok and Maddie said no one ever read them stories that they just made them up. These two had my heart, even if I could only give it to them for five hours. 

There were 7 kids at the shelter that day from 18 mths to 8 yrs. We had a blast. We sang songs, colored pictures, did puzzles, played outside and did everything a kid would want to do on a summer day. They were ALL glued to me, soaking up all of my attention and all of my energy. Every once in a while another child would take another stab at my heart. Sam and another 3 year old Kelly didn't know how to count, any colors, or their ABC's. Jake who was 7 would mention how he used to have a play station but his dad threw it at his mom. He has a baby brother who is one and a half and didn't recognize his own name and couldn't balance well. Jake told me he was hit by a car. Shot after shot these kids pierced my heart until it was broken. I couldn't complain because they are all broken children.

Even now I am just hurting for these kids. I want their grubby little hands to be held by their mothers. I want their minds to explode with learning. I want their futures to look different than their paths. I want their mothers to be empowered and the family heal. I want to see smiles on all the faces of those at the shelter, not just the workers.

I am so excited for this internship and can't wait to see some of these wants come true as the kids and I experience summer at SafeHarbor.

How About Equality?

This is the other half of the blog I posted last night. This is my actual view of how separation of church and state should be handled by the church and what we should actually be fighting for. Maybe we should fight for the opportunity to love the lost?

So here I am not finding a fit with either strict integration or strict separation, searching for the appropriate response to Separation of Church and State as a Christian American. I cannot agree with enforcing religion or specific morals upon those who do not believe in Christ and I cannot agree with just shutting up, removing Christian morals completely letting people live in corrupted chaos. Yet I find myself bothered by saying I am going to be in the middle ground. I find myself grasping onto the idea of a response that fights for equality but am I fighting for nation that is luke-warm? My question for “equality” goes like this: Does equality promote luke-warm faith or does it promote meeting people where they are? As I have wrestled with this I really see it as a way to meet people where they are. Equality in my opinion allows 3 things: it puts away superior views of humanity, ends the fights for funding, and stops the degradation of secular people by Christians which promotes hatred of secular people aka hating the sinner and not the sin. Equality gives the freedom of practicing Christianity in a safe environment while practicing Christian love to those who need it most, the secular lost American. Equality gives the freedom to love and reach all not to the freedom to make all people Christian.  It allows the Christian American to live in Christ Culture first while still having a voice in American/secular culture.

                Separation of Church and State is no longer viewed as a protector of the Church so that the State cannot get involved in religious commitments and participation. It is now seen as the protector of the State from being financially involved in religious programs and education. By instating equality the State would be bound to equally give to non-profit and governmental agencies that are either Christ centered, use Christian therapies, or that proclaim the Gospel. It would also allow other religious non-profits and agencies to be financially helped, promoting the health and wellness of life.

                Educationally by instating equality we would be able to put the God back in the schools. If secular science and evolution is to be taught than so is Christian creation. Instead of imposing secular beliefs on students the curriculum could cover different beliefs on matters. It seems more appropriate to expose children and students to different belief systems while they are able to still live under their parents care rather than exposing them after they have been thrown out into the world. Whether the parents are secular or religious I would imagine them wanting to help their child through their beliefs system rather than let them decide on their own as they embark on adulthood.

                As far as the arena of politics I believe equality will allow the Christian to be involved without making it such a fight. Christianity needs to have a voice in the development of American principles and policies. It would be wrong to sit by apathetically allowing secular voices to be the only voice. However, it is also wrong to be so concerned with the policy that hatred of the opposition is seen over concern for the opposition. Equality allows for Christian agencies and non-profits to work at a greater capacity through additional governmental funding but it also allows those programs to be the tangibly loving side of a political opinion. The more people the church can reach in the fashion that Jesus did the less we will have to act like the Pharisees who were concerned with law over relationship. Equality promotes relationship over law, concern over extremes, and love over fights. To me this seems very fitting with Christ Culture.

                I really wish we could live in a perfect land where all mankind followed the same moral code and no wrong was done, but that is a thing of the future and eternity not the present. For the present we must recognize where people are, where we have been and love them through it all. We must stay present in the lives of the lost and not all together reject them. Strict integration rejects the lost soul while strict separation provides removes a voice of hope. We must find the middle ground and create change through equal relationships with all. If living in the culture of Christ means loving the lost then let us not forsake or disregard those lives but have a voice that shows love, compassion, mercy and the hope of eternal peace.