The Summer I Stopped Learning

About three weeks into summer I was restless. No greek quiz, no papers, no books looming over my head, no new commentaries to read, no school, no learning. I was going crazy. I needed something to challenge me. I missed the nagging never ending list of things to do. I wanted a new idea, a new concept, to make home in my mind and be so disruptive that I spent every extra thought I could spare to solving the Question. Its not like I have everything figured out. I already have 5 Questions who have made my mind home. But they have been tenants so long that they have found rest and are just waiting to be answered. They have stopped their insistent nagging that I love so much. I wanted something new to learn. Something new to wreak havoc in my mind.

So I did it, I admitted my need for nerdom and emailed Mark Moore pleading for him to reveal some new book, something that would make my brain explode. He responded with a list of books and a line at the end of the email "Sometimes boredom is sacred. Enjoy it." I erased my list of blow-my-mind books and took a nap. Something clicked when he said that. I decided to challenge myself with a new challenge. The challenge: To stop all forced learning, all forced mind blowing experiences, to stop myself from searching for learning. Instead I was going to be bored. I thought I was going to lose my mind many times. I knew the phrase If you dont use it you lose it was going to find me and snatch me up and my brain would turn to mush.  I was not enjoying it. But I have found that normally when you aren't enjoying something you are learning something. So in some weird twisted way I gave up learning to learn.

And I did. I learned. I learned how to be still. How to still my mind and use that energy to get through a day at the shelter or for this awesome thing called prayer. I learned how to devote my mind to things that are already answered. I learned how to focus on the present: family, the shelter, the women, the children, prayer, solitude. I learned how to be on a journey and not just plan for a journey. I learned how to challenge myself with the present instead of a concept. This summer I stopped learning and learned so much.

(Kenny Boles if you read this don't worry, I still kept up with learning Greek)