When Sleep Seems Like A Dream

I have not blogged in a while because my fingers have been tired you see. It isn't that I haven't had anything to say but that I have had too much. But tonight I find myself restless to the point of insanity. I have been laying in bed for 42 minutes now trying to fall asleep. Too tired to start another paper to wound up to just stop so I have decided to write and try to understand myself. I do believe this might be an impossible task for one to understand herself but I also believe I have become an impossible girl.

I have been so restless. It is 11:16 and I feel like I could run 100 miles. I could run 100 miles but I don't have the energy for even one step. I would like a glass of milk right now but not even that is going to happen. I want to be finishing this word study on love but my love for learning has shut down. I want to read but I want to shut my eyes. I am living in a state of exhausted restlessness. What do I do with that? I am too tired to function and sleep seems like a dream. I want to be home, I want to be studying, I want to be in South Carolina, I want to be ministering to broken women and children, I want to be in class, I want to study, I want to create, I want to build, I want to write the book that God has laid on my heart, I want to scratch my sisters back, I want to watch NCIS with my dad, I want to talk to my mom, I want to process through the 11 different working thesis's I have in my mind, I want to talk to professors, I want to figure it all out. I want and I am exhausted.

Sleep seems like a silly concept to me but I yearn for it. My body is demanding sleep. Sweet precious sleep. Yet my mind is begging for one more hour. One more hour to question. One more hour to listen. One more hour to absorb God. One more hour to learn. One more hour of fighting off exhaustion. You see my mind knows that the 6 hours of sleep that my body of demanding isn't going to do much for me. My mind thinks that I will gain more from one more hour of thoughts than one hour of sleep. I think I agree with my mind but my body is making a pretty strong case. Honestly I would like for my body to win.

Like I said I am impossible. It is impossible for me to understand myself besides the fact that I understand that I am impossible. I pray God will use my impossibility to teach me and maybe others. So as I lie here in this exhausted restless tension I pray the prayer I pray every night. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you, show me the way I should go for to you I lift my soul.